Winning Your Game
Happy October, friends! Now that fall is in full swing, we hope you’re enjoying foliage and pumpkin spice lattes (Note from Jay: Pumpkin spice is an abomination. Fight me.)! We’ve been enjoying the last of summer with coastal hikes and beach days around San Francisco and Carmel-by-the-Sea.
Food for Thought
“What is your proudest accomplishment?” What a leading question about defining success. It sounds past tense and finite, as if the best days are behind, that all future endeavors will be measured against that one time, and the things worth celebrating are tangible.
Leading in Adversity is one of MIT Sloan’s signature classes, where CEOs share lessons in crisis management. One CEO talked about transparency to preserve customer trust. “The only thing you have in this life is your reputation.” Yes, AND relationships. In a world obsessed with SMART goals (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timebound), it’s funny that the two things that actually count are process- versus product-based: There’s no end state for a reputation or relationship, only a continuum of positivity or negativity. Maybe that’s why we don’t define success with moving targets - it starts to feel like a nagging item that hasn’t been ticked off a checklist. Instead, we define success based on discrete achievements. But, if we can cross them off, like one and done, how much do they ultimately matter?
Since September, Jen has been leading the high school dance program at Because Justice Matters. The goal is to produce a two-minute dance performance for film in November. Every Thursday, Jen teaches choreography to five girls, but a temporary transition to Zoom classes led to absences from multiple girls. What has been a setback to this SMART goal has felt like a bigger disappointment, knowing the girls missed class for reasons like birthday celebrations.
Jen started her role assuming that success would be a dance, but the true target, developing a relationship with each girl, is actually harder to do and even harder to measure. She realized that the girls dance to be part of a community, not to master a craft. Now, class and all the in-between moments are about making each girl feel seen and heard. It’ll be nice to have a completed dance performance, but the real wins will be the texts and conversations that get us across that particular finish line.
There is no hack for developing relationships, but few things of lasting value can be achieved without them. And, there’s no clear marker to tell when a relationship is formed or whether it’s reached a certain quality, only a gut feeling of when you’re growing closer or farther apart.
So, what makes you proud? Are they process-driven outcomes, and if so, what can you do to keep getting warmer?
Shoutouts
🦆 Happy birthday to our buddy, Khai! We miss you being in San Francisco, but hope you’re enjoying the second-best republic in the U.S.! (California is the best, in case you forgot.)
💡 Looking for more light in your life? The best part about a sabbatical is making new friends who share your journey. This one goes out to Jeremy, one of the nicest, Renaissance dudes in the world and author of The Fire Jar, a mix of ideas, art, and movement that feels like chicken soup for your soul! Speaking of people and relationships, this week’s episode celebrates caregivers and the unsung heroes who heal what’s broken. Check it out!
Better Together
Feel like you’ve been caught in a rat race amidst national turmoil during a pandemic that spurred an economic recession for much of the country? We know: it’s a lot. If you need someone to talk to, rant to, send you good vibes, or say a little prayer for you (forever, and ever, you’ll stay in our hearts…), feel free to let us know via our connection card (anonymously, if you like). We read every submission, keep the submitter in our thoughts, and reach out if appropriate. It’s tough out there. We’re here for you.
Soundtrack
“This Is The Life” by Two Door Cinema Club
It’s been a SoCal type of week with all the sunshine and beach time, so here’s a throwback to this feel-good jam. Sending y’all good vibes and White Claws (PSA: Mango is the best flavor 🥭).
“Wonderful World” by James Morrison
Like weather that affects mood, the challenging atmosphere of 2020 can dull any sense that it’s a wonderful world. But it’s the company we keep that preserves our hope and optimism. Whether we feel like it or not, it’s a wonderful world so long as we stick together.
And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can’t feel it right now,
I thought I was doing well but I just want to cry now,
Well I know that it’s a wonderful world from the sky down to the sea,
But I can only see when you're here, here with me.
For the full list of songs included in our newsletters, click here.
As always, please keep in touch! We’re so lucky to have seen so many of you in the months since we’ve returned, and we hope to keep seeing even more of you with each passing week. If you’re in the San Francisco Bay Area and are open to a socially distant hangout, just holler! And, don’t hesitate to shoot us emails, texts, chats, or video invitations—you’re all the best part of our days!
Love,
Jen & Jay